Anatomy of a Meltdown

By Nick Yielding

First things first, keep in mind that "meltdowns" (outward tantrum-like or otherwise vicious outbursts) or more often in my case, "shutdowns" (inward withdrawal from surroundings) are extremely terrifying to the person who exhibits them because they are the direct result of getting disconnected or disoriented in respect to their world as they know it.

I will try to diagram one of these "meltdowns" in case it has not been done already.

I basically lack, to some degree, the natural ability to cue from other people in order to determine my actions. So in order to not be frightened and/or confused, I need a firm grasp on what's going on around me, and this is usually accomplished by being aware of the possible outcomes of my actions in a given set of circumstances. Any "unknowns" (i.e. elements of a situation which I haven't yet taken into consideration) must be dealt with before anything else can be accomplished, because only when I am in complete knowledge of my surroundings can I proceed without fear.

When you suddenly change the plans, rules, environment, etc., you suddenly throw in a multitude of these "unknowns" simultaneously, which must then be simultaneously processed by the autistic mind. At some point my mind becomes overloaded with details and goes into what amounts to a short-circuit or, in the sense of a computer, a "freeze-up." At this point I will "shut down," or basically cease to interact. I know I can no longer cope with my surroundings so I tune them out, figuring that any further reaction to them will be an incorrect or inappropriate one.

Now at this point one of two things will happen:

either 1) the other people will become disinterested and leave me be (in which case I will process the new scenario, recover and try to join the group again at that time).

OR 2) someone will force the issue, and demand that I respond, not knowing that I have lost connection with my train of thought. (Remember that since I have few natural social skills, the ones I exhibit are the result of careful planning, stored information, and repetition. Thus with no train of thought, I am suddenly thrust into an alien world when expected to make any type of outward relation to another person). Now I am forced to figure out a socially appropriate response without my mental database of scripts to draw from. When that happens my mind races so quickly that it does not grasp onto anything, and the resulting outburst you see is the resulting frustration associated with being in a seemingly no-win situation that can't be escaped.

It's analogous to the girl in the horror movie who screams maniacally because the monster is about to eat her and she is backed into a corner with nowhere to run except into the monster's jaws. Only in this case the monster is invisible, and when I react to what is very real to me, no one else can really see or relate to it and so it appears that I am grossly overreacting to a less significant, but more visible, incident. What happens is basically the people around me displace the feeling of lost-ness to which I am actually reacting to the visible situation that *apparently* caused the outburst. Back to the analogy, if the monster in the horror movie were not visible it might appear as though the woman were screaming because she had reached a corner, and moviegoers might similarly believe this to be an over-reaction because she could seemingly just go in a different direction.

Once I began to realize the effect that these shutdowns and meltdowns had on other people, I began to go out of my way to find ways of avoiding them. I would be willing to bet that other autistic people, whether it be by non-compliance or over-compliance, are making a nonverbal effort to avoid this terrifying situation, especially since a person reacting to it will inevitably compound the problem by making a further environmental change (trying to "help") rather than rewinding or pausing the situation (depending on circumstances) to allow for processing.

The key thing about a full scale meltdown is that the person has to first calm down before anything else can happen. The fit has to literally de-escalate in the reverse order in which it happens. If it went:

change in plans--->question/resistance-->zone out-->tantrum

then it can only de-escalate as such:

tantrum--->zone out-->question/resistance-->change in plans

In other words, if I'm having a meltdown, I must first CALM DOWN. Nothing is rational during a full meltdown, so don't even try. Hold me, rock me, reassure me, lock me in a padded room, whatever, but don't ask anything else of my mind -- at this point it just does not exist.

Once I calm down, now the tricky part -- where did the problem begin? I have to re-trace my steps to that point and re-boot. This is where so many people make the mistake of displacing the problem. In order to continue from where I was before the situation got ugly, I have to go back to the point NOT immediately prior to the actual meltdown, but rather, back to the point at which I first showed trouble. Usually a question or a look of utter confusion or exasperation. So it's important to re-trace steps. If I can accomplish this (it can be done more quickly with the help of at least one patient or unoffended person), then all I have to do is re-compute, which means going back to the process described at the beginning of this post -- I re-assess my circumstances and once again become aware of the possible outcomes of my actions in this new set of circumstances. Once I have done this I will be functional once again, and will do well if all memory of the past few minutes is erased as completely as possible. Any references to my previous behavior will put further doubt into my mind as to my level of acceptance and cause me to be much more reserved (in essence prolonging the shutdown period, which means keeping me on edge) and thus much less fun to be around.

Remember that meltdowns are ten times as horrific to the person doing it than they are to the people observing it, so punishing the behavior is unnecessary. Trust me when I tell you I don't do it for attention or to force my way. The panic I feel is involuntary and simply has to be dealt with in the right manner in order to keep it from erupting.

Eruption can be avoided by recognizing the warning signs:

Sudden and dramatic increase in stimming (caused by a sudden feeling of alarm or panic)

Zoning out (can be misconstrued as refusal to comply)

Asking analytical questions when a change of plans or sudden command is issued (can be misconstrued as arguing or backtalking)

Muttering to oneself (this is a means of "thinking out loud." Think of it as an sort of an auditory stim, and a means of getting one's bearings in an emotional sense. Parents -- if you can't understand what he's saying, don't assume it's personal and call him out on it. You'll pull the trigger).

If you observe these signs it can help matters if you'll give some time for processing. I know a lot of parents want immediate compliance, but sometimes this is beyond our emotional threshold. I always found that it helped me considerably if I was told way ahead of time if there was a big "to-do" coming up, and periodically reminded about it. I never resented doing as I was told, but sometimes the command went completely against my mental script for the day, so doing it required a new script. In short, the above signals mean that some down time is needed and should be allowed.

I noticed also when I worked with preschoolers that some kids on the very low end of the spectrum seemed to go off into meltdown immediately without showing any cognitive warning signs at all. I'm not sure why this is (other than the possibility that maybe their "wheels" aren't turning as quickly or as intensively as those kids on the mid to high end), however I am fairly certain that these sudden meltdowns are for similar, albeit simpler reasons, and should probably be dealt with in the same way, as calming down was still always the first vital step in the recovery process.

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Nick Yielding is a senior member of Autism-pdd.net where he helps others by sharing his experiences living with Asperger's. You can reach Nick at stickboy_127@yahoo.com.